Some of you may have noticed that the people behind Cranium have recently put out a game, and they are counting on riding the long coattails of our website's success by calling that game Pop 5. This is supposed to be a game about pop culture, which means that unless it has a direct RSS feed from Defamer, it was probably outdated before it even hit the shelves. Even though our Pop 5 has grown beyond the original 5, and is now more like "Pop 8," maybe we should still protect our little corner of the internet with a well-timed, American-as-apple-pie copyright infringement lawsuit.

Also, while I am never able to come up with cool costume ideas for myself, I think Evan and Laura should be the Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend for Halloween. Do you think Laura can do the voice??

Posted by Victoria at 9:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Lots of things. Like BOB DYLAN THE MUSICAL:
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2006/10/25/icymi-bob-dylan-is-like-a-rollin-over-in-his-grave/

But here we have some nice commentary:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Uq6RIsB0Hs

I guess the only thing scarier than the musical 'interpretation' of 'Like a Rolling Stone' that features dog people and pilates balls is seeing Rosie O'Donnell and a gargoyle before it starts. Wait, that's not a gargoyle? That's a person? Holy fucking shit.

Posted by vegetable at 9:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I just saw a commercial for an insurance company with Maya Angelou reading a poem she'd written. I don't think I need to say anything else.

Yes I do. I realize poetry don't pay the bills--or even buy a cup of coffee in most parts of this country--but I gotta think Maya Fucking Angelou is making rent. Reading at a president's inauguration is bad enough (Robert Frost did it, too, at JFK's, and he's one of my favorites). But that can be interpreted as an expression of optimism and hope, as opposed to one of political partisanship or pandering as it is to cynics like me.

Poetry as corporate shilling has to be a new low. What's next? Bob Dylan singing for Victoria's Secret? Oh, wait...

Posted by Phaedra at 11:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Just a warning, this could be labeled an offensive post.

So the other day I was walking around on Temple's wonderful campus with my friend and fellow cynic liberal Dana and outside the student center a lanky dude who looked a bit asymmetrical was leaning against a handmade sign that read: "God will punish the wicked." I did a double-take, but kept walking and we both commented on how weird it is that people can just make signs and stand around with them. I wonder if people like this have jobs? I imagine grocery stores rely on people like this to unload trucks late at night.

Whatever the case, we were a block away when we crossed the street in front of a truck that was slowly coming down one of the 2 one-way streets that cuts across campus. I glanced at the truck and I thought I saw images of red fruit. It looked quickly like watermelon and pomegranate and smashed strawberries and a baby head. And then I realized. It was a baby head.

It was a fucking abortion truck.

Now, it wasn't like an ice-cream truck, although later I wondered what the driver would have said if Dana and I had walked up and asked how much an abortion and a chocolate-vanilla twist cone with chocolate sprinkles would cost.

No, it was simply a billboard with fetuses that were obviously from late-term abortions. Either that or someone went digging through a dumpster at a high school prom to snap photos (did I just cross a line there?).

Yes, this was a protest truck. A guy was driving around campus with a huge, huge image of aborted babies on his truck. I felt that this was not appropriate. particularly since most abortions are done in the first trimester, before the fetus has a well-defined skull and fingers and looks like a kewpi doll covered in various red fruits.

Anyway, we were disgusted but not surprised that the use of such imagery would not be below the religious fanatics that seem to LOVE Temple University. Earlier in the semester I got into a pointless debate with a guy who was outside the library trying to argue that evolution was a myth (which is fine, if you want to bother) and that the Bible was a literal document. Yeah. the earth really is 6000 years old. which is why evolution is a myth -- it's not enough time to evolve from monkeys to humans. plus, as he said, a cow isn't gonna just give birth to a horse. that's crazy. yeah. they're everywhere.

Posted by vegetable at 10:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

I also loved The Prestige, and I was counting down until the release date. We also saw this year's other magician movie, The Illusionist, and I for one liked Prestige much better. I have a thing for Ed Norton, and I like Paul Giamatti (without having a thing for him), but I hate that stupid Jessica Biel person, and the story was very thin. I think it was adapted from a short story, and you could definitely tell.

Fortunately, I also have things for Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale (but only when scruffy, like the beginning of Batman Begins. For some reason I don't like him clean-shaven), so my interest in The Prestige was heightened to begin with. I also like Christopher Nolan. I read that David Bowie was in the movie, but I didn't recognize him as Tesla, or remember that when I saw it. Mike and Buddy had to tell me it was him afterwards, so he must have done a hell of a job. Like Evan, I liked pretty much everything about this movie. I did figure out Hugh Jackman's half of the ending in advance, but I was surprised by Christian Bale's. After you find it out, though, so much of the rest of the movie makes sense.

Also, NJ opens the door to gay marriage. Looks like Rob won't have to travel to Canada after all.

Posted by Victoria at 9:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I saw on another blog that Wired magazine enlisted 38 writers and designers to write short-short-short stories...like in six words. A friend had me pulling my hair out a few years ago with this exercise, since, as you all are very aware, I can go on and on and on. Still, it's kinda cool, and helps me hone my skills as a headline writer.

Hemingway's briefest is a famous one: For sale: baby shoes, never worn.
Another good one, by William Shatner of all people: Failed SAT. Lost scholarship. Invented rocket.
Margaret Atwood's contribution: Starlet sex scandal. Giant squid involved.

Here are a few I came up with, some good, some, well, not so much:
I loved him. Now I don't.
Cat's gone. Should've shut the window.
Writer's block. Brain hurts. Need drink.
Fame? Prestige? Wealth? Nope: Newspaper career.

I know you guys are way funnier (and more imaginative) than me. So HAVE AT IT!

Posted by Phaedra at 9:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

This is easily the best movie i have seen this year. But I haven't seen that many movies this year, so that probably doesn't help you. In fact, I can't even recall any movies I saw this year. Did Lord of the Rings come out sometime recently? Probably not.

Anyway. I should also mention that this is the first movie in a long time that I have been really excited to see. I used to get a yearning feeling in my stomach when really good movies were still weeks away. That hasn't happened to me in a while. (Again, LOTR comes to mind. So does The Thin Red Line. And so do a number of other films that ended up SUCKING.)

All I will say about this film is that the acting is good, the cinematography is good, and the story is intriguing. Two magicians try to fuck each other up. but not in the way that Clive Barker's crapfest Lord of Illusions tried to do where the magicians battle each other with magic. this is grounded in reality and just shows two dickheads battling for the prestige (ha!) of being crowned king dickhead. It's fun to watch even if the ending is sorta obvious (i'll say no more than that).

Another fine aspect of the film is the use of that underrated genius Nikoli Tesla (played by none other than David Freakin Bowie. Laura kept telling me it was him and I refused to believe it.) I saw a documentary about Tesla and how he and Edison had a PR battle to win the hearts and minds of Americans. Each man was promoting his electrical system, claiming that the other's was unsafe. Seems that Tesla's really was safer, but Edison did shit like electrocuting a live elephant to 'prove' that Tesla's was not safe. Of course, Edison was also a good, clean American and Tesla had a dirty and untrustworthy accent, so Edison ended up winning in the end.

Why this tangent? Well, the Tesla v. Edison stuff is touched upon throughout the film as a parallel to the Hugh Jackman v. Christian Bale rivalry. They might have made the connections stronger, but as it stands it's a really cool way to tell 2 stories, even if it does rely on the audience knowing the historical battles between Edison & Tesla.

So, go see this fine film rather than stay at home to masturbate to the bra section of the Sears catalog. You sicko.

Posted by vegetable at 11:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I started reading Buddy's post below and when I saw that bit about the horses, I decided to check the accuracy of the rest of the list (or at least some of the list, until i got tired). See, that whole bit about the horse's legs in the air telling you how they died is false. How false? Well, the fine folks at my favorite Urban Myth debunking site have done the work.
http://www.snopes.com/military/statue.

I guess I didn't need to go thru and debunk the whole list. But I was bored. Then I realized that if I simply put this in the comments section, people may not read it.

Seriously, though, I felt that these corrections were interesting. My dad is always sending me these kinds of emails and I always ruin his day by sending emails back that are this snotty.

horse's legs = how they died:
http://www.snopes.com/military/statue.

Also, the ones about "sleep tight" and "rule of thumb" and "p's & q's" and "wet your whistle"
http://www.takeourword.com/TOW113/page1.html

wet your whistle (by itself, all the way at the bottom):
http://www.word-detective.com/050404.html

GOLF is not an acronym:
http://golf.about.com/cs/historyofgolf/a/hist_golfword.htm

Coke was green? nope:
http://www.snopes.com/cokelore/green.asp

111,111,111*111,111,111 really does equal 12345678987654321. Strangely, Excel says that it equales 12345678987654300 -- which makes no sense.

Flintstones first couple in bed? uh-huh:
http://www.tvacres.com/broad_bed.htm
http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/marykay.htm

origin of honeymoon. maybe?
http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-hon1.htm -- this site seems to only note the first use of word in English.
http://www.takeourword.com/Issue071.html -- this site points out that the connection between Babylonian lang. & English as well as Nordic & English are tenuous. But this one seems to be up for grabs.

Posted by vegetable at 2:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled"Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
Q. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "Goodnight, sleep tight."
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a hone y beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts.. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is! taht t he frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile :- )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Posted by Buddy at 1:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I left the Rite-Aid today, and as I was about to get into my car, another car pulled up beside it with handicap tags, and an oldish nun got out the passenger side, keeping me from getting into my car. I waited for her, she smiled and thanked me, apologizing for being so slow, as the nun who was driving got out her side and waited.

Once the older nun was out, I got into my car and the two walked away. Before I shut my door, I saw the driver turn, point to the car, and I heard the familiar "chirp-chirp."

Why would nuns have car alarms?

This brings up serious questions for me, an admittedly severely lapsed Catholic who was, after all, at the Rite Aid to buy birth control pills to keep me from getting preggers by my live-in boyfriend. (There are at least three things in that sentence which should offend these nuns.)

What happened to trusting God? What about trusting one's fellow man? We're talking about a Rite-Aid in Haddon Township, for Christ's sake, not a drug corner in North Philly.

What do women who have taken a vow of poverty have to protect, anyway? How about compassion? If someone steals, isn't there at least the chance they're moved to do so out of desperation?

Were they afraid the car might be stolen? It was a four-door, late-90s Oldsmobile. I don't think the skate punks of Cuthbert Boulevard are too interested in joyriding in it.

I guess I probably could have lingered and asked them all these questions. They seemed like friendly enough nuns, though I believe they taught at Paul VI, which is nearby, and they had the same habits (garb) as PVI's nuns.

But, I have to admit...after 12 years of Catholic education, nuns still scare me.

Posted by Phaedra at 9:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Since Mike has been silent for over a week on the quiz front, I thought I'd throw one up. ew.

"You gonna open it or sit there with your thumb up yer but?"
"Thumb up my butt sounds better."

First correct answer wins my temporary bemused interest!

Posted by vegetable at 2:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm pretty skeptical about the afterlife, but I have to believe this guy gets his own little ring in hell. Maybe Brett Myers can join him there.

(from the Associated Press)

Date: 10/12/2006 04:52 PM

Youth coach sentenced to prison in autistic player's beaning

UNIONTOWN, Pa. (AP) _ A youth baseball coach accused of offering an 8-year-old money to bean an autistic teammate so he couldn't play was sentenced Thursday to one to six years in prison.

Fayette County Judge Ralph Warman sentenced 29-year-old Mark R. Downs Jr. of Dunbar, Pa. to consecutive six-to-36-month sentences for corruption of minors and criminal solicitation to commit simple assault. A jury convicted Downs in September.

Warman revoked Downs' bond and sent him to prison.

Downs didn't speak at the sentencing but told reporters ''I didn't do nothing'' as he was led out of the courtroom. (sounds like a real Rhodes scholar, eh?)

His attorney, Thomas Shaffer, said Downs was upset and looked forward to appealing the verdict. Downs was ordered Thursday to undergo a mental health evaluation and barred from coaching any youth league sport while on parole.

Authorities said Downs offered to pay one of his players $25 to hit Harry Bowers, a mildly autistic teammate, with a ball while warming up before a June 2005 playoff game. Prosecutors said Downs wanted the 9-year-old out of the game, because the boy didn't play as well as his teammates.

Player Keith Reese Jr. said he purposely threw a ball that hit Bowers in the groin and another that hit Bowers in the ear, on Downs' instructions. Downs denied offering to pay Reese to hurt Bowers.

''These acts are extremely outrageous and extremely reprehensible since the defendant was involved in the coaching of a youth league,'' Warman said.

Bowers' mother, Jennifer Bowers, said Thursday that since her son was hit, she has struggled to get him to try new activities. She said the boy fears that he would get hurt again.

Downs was acquitted on a more serious charge of criminal solicitation to commit aggravated assault. Jurors deadlocked on a charge of reckless endangerment. The judge declared a mistrial on the endangerment charge, and prosecutors said they wouldn't retry him.

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press.

Posted by Phaedra at 9:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

This is so awesome. I wanted it to go on forever. It's the battle of album cover art.

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1712031/

Posted by vegetable at 10:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The Black Keys, Beck, Under the Influence of Giants, The Killers

Despite a boatload of music by the Black Keys bestowed on me by Mike this sunday, I bought a bunch of music on Tuesday.

The Black Keys
Okay, they're not new, and i'm not talking about a new album, but I just heard a bunch of their stuff.
I don't absolutely love them, but they are good. The songs tend to sound the same. I thought they'd be more inventive, but instead they're just good at what they do and they do it every song. The nice news for me is that they sound good live and I will be attending their Philly show with Mike, Vicki, and my lovely wife in November. And we will have a good time. But I won't throw my underpants up on stage. [yes, I used "good" four times in 4 sentences.]

Beck
Good tracks: Elevator Music, Cellphone's Dead, Nausea
Bad tracks: Soldier Jane, Dark Star, Motorcade
I had heard about the new Beck album, The Information, about 2 months ago and promptly lost track of time. In a nice surprise, it came out Tuesday and I immediately downloaded it, hoping for something more inventive and consistent than Guero. I found that CD to contain a couple of classic Beck tracks (E-Pro, Que' Onda Guero, and Hell Yes), but otherwise it was kinda flat and petered out towards the end.

Unfortunately, The Information is not much better. In fact, there aren't any amazing tracks that bring back the elated feelings upon hearing "Hollywood Freaks," "The New Pollution," or even the meloncholic glee of Sea Change as a whole. On the plus side, many of the songs' vocals are in the fun, Beck-rap style that has lead to some great lines (that of course have no meaning). On the negative side, the songs themselves lack development. And I blame Radiohead-producer-extrodinaire Nigel Godrich. And Scientology.

First Godrich. He's responsible for the peak of Radiohead's greatness -- an engineer on The Bends, and producer of every album since then, including the perfection that is OK Computer and the shuddering mess of gold dabloons & vomit that is Amnesiac. He's also produced 2 Beck albums, both of which were acoustic efforts and still felt more like Beck productions than Godrich productions. The Information feels more 'marked' by Godrich because too many of the songs seem focused on straightforward rhythms (not mixed DJ beats) that prevent the songs from going Beck-crazy. The first half of the CD has some good moments, but the second half meanders, particularly on "New Round" and "Dark Star." The final 10 minute track might be more interesting if the CD were not bloated with 15 tracks. By the time the final track starts, I'm already not listening.

I blame Godrich for part of this because he seems to have inspired Radiohead to do the same thing -- meander along consistent drum beats that never change. Sure, Hail to the Thief has a couple of classic Radiohead constructions -- you know, the 'Creep' structure: slow building to wale and screaming and coming down again. Perhaps disillusioned Radiohead fan Rob said it best. Upon hearing Hail to the Thief he asked: "Where are the songs???!!!". The new material showcased by RH on their latest tour still has that undeveloped quality, where the music layered over the unchanging drum structure is supposed to be interesting, even over 4-5 minutes. It just ain't happening. And Beck seems to have fallen into that trap on a few tracks here (and on Geuro -- "Girl" & "Black Tambourine" come to mind immediately).

As for Scientology, the only real crime I can charge them with (besides being a ridiculous cult) is that they isolate their members. And for Beck, isolation is bad. It cuts down on the randomness of his music and his lyrics. There seems to be no centrifugal force pulling his songs into various genres.

I just recently learned that Beck was raised a Scientologist and his parents have been members since the late 60s. Beck left the 'church' in 89 and the 90s contained his creative explosion. If you look at Midnight Vultures, you hear the lyrics of a guy who has seen some crazy shit as a result of becoming famous. The album is dubbed a party-album, but it's essentially a critique of excess partying. It's all weird sex, drugs, and rock n' roll via Prince music. After his breakup with a long time, non-Scientologist girlfriend around 2000/2001 his lyrics have remained cryptic, but they've become less worldly. now, Beck's lyrics never made much sense -- a great Futurama episode starring Beck features him asking what the hell "Devil's Haircut" is about. But there's something less alive about Guero & especially The Information. I would like to believe that there is a conceptual reason for this change. But it's hard to look past the fact that he's back in the arms of Scientology, married to one, donating $ to it, and finally admitting to membership after dodging the question for years.

I have a personal standard of giving an artist 2 shitty albums before I cease buying their albums upon release. Beck has had 2 almost shitty albums. Next time, i'm downloading an illegal copy to see if I don't mind my 12$ going to the Travolta cult.

Under the Influence of Giants
Good tracks: Got Nothing, In the Clouds, Stay Illogical, Mama's Room
Bad tracks: the last few don't stand out
The album of the same name by this band from the planet earth (really, this isn't Pitchfork or Rolling Stone, i'm just here to ramble, not give useful information) is unsettling. Not in a Mr. Bungle or Tool way. The album is upbeat to the point that I thought I had accidently stumbled into the Pop or Dance section of iTunes Music Store. No -- iTunes has called it alternative, but the falsetto, the 80s beats, the occasional synth had me concerned that my snobby music reputation might be in jeopardy. I'm over it. The album is infectious. It's kinda like the first Franz Ferdinand album, but only in the feeling that all the songs are jumpy (in a good way). I imagine the singer's voice might be one of those make or break features, but I suggest all of you listen to some samples. And since its a first album (from what I can tell) buy it if you like it. Once they've gotten rich, then download it for free.

The Killers
Speaking of neu-80s music, the new Killers album is out. I'm not a huge fan of their first album. But over the past few months I've listened to it more and found some songs that I like. Upbeat tempo, some silly lyrics, but nothing too bland. The new album, though, feels bland. But considering it took me years to finally listen to the first album, I could just be hard to win over. And since Under the Influence of Giants has had the bulk of my attention since Tuesday, I can't really make a final judgment here.

Posted by vegetable at 8:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

As a compliment to my 'favorite cartoon characters' here's my list of favorite non-cartoon characters. The really sad part about this list is that there are no woman or minorities. i apparantly really like funny white men. Does this make me a hateful bastard? I guess so. I could blame Hollywood. But they get blamed for everything.

Gob Bluth, Arrested Development -- "Come on!" This show has a great cast of characters, but Gob is by far the best. His chicken dance alone is worth the cancellation (although I am still sad it's gone). [I just re-read that last sentence and I think what I mean is: The chicken dance makes the pain of the cancellation bareable.] Another good quote: "Hi. I need a tea to give my dingle less tingle. [no response from Asian shop keeper] Me quick, want slow. Wait, that’s Indian."

Dwight, The Office (USA) -- "She's also the victim of monster rape." Gareth from the BBC version is awesome, but the real fun is that Dwight is not just a retread of Gareth, but essentially a Nazi-nerd all his own. Plus, his haircut is amazing. The above quote is actually from a deleted scene, so here's one that actually aired: "When I was in the sixth grade I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word ‘failure’." and one more: "Hey Toby. You said that we could come to you if we had any questions…where’s the clitoris? On the website it said 'at the crest of the labia.' What does that mean?" You don't have a good reason not to watch this show. Even if you read to orphans instead.

Kosmo Kramer, Seinfeld -- "Am I a hipster dufus?" & "I just took a bath Jerry...a bath. I was sitting in a pool of my own filth and germs. All the micro-organisms were having sex all around me!" Kramer beats out Costanza by a slight margin because of his physical comedy and the various noises he makes, aside from the way his lines are delivered by the permanently out of work Michael Richards. I mean, will the guy ever act again? Has anyone else become their character so completely? Perhaps Jason Alexander did as well, but Kramer is... Kramer. Without him, Seinfeld is just three bad people. Kramer's the optimist, the idea man, the life.

Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm -- "I thought we were cool-de-la?" This is the other reason Kramer gets the nod instead of Costanza -- Larry David in his pure form.

Charlie, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia -- "I'm in love with a man. A man called God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha!" The show has been hit or miss this season, but Charlie is always genius. "And the best part of it actually for me now is the fact that everybody thinks that I’ve been molested. So in a way, my life is ruined. Uh, in the meantime, I'm gonna go in the back office, and cry, and cry, and cry and drink for a while." This is a show worth downloading from iTunes. Season 1 is pretty much great every episode. I'd recommend "Charlie Goes America All Over Everyone's Ass" and "Dennis and Dee Go On Welfare" from season 2.

Al Bundy, Married with Children -- okay, this is a blast from the past. and I don't have any interest in buying this show on DVD. Or even ever watching it again. But Al Bundy had to be based on some real loser. He was just too good. And unfortunately for what's-his-name, he became the character.

Freakshow, Law & Order: Special Victim Unit -- His name is actually Lt. Stabler, but Freakshow is the character the actor played in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle when his pulsating neck boils won my heart. Chris Meloni is his real name. He and his co-star Mariska Hartigay are really the only reasons to watch SVU since the show makes its money by traumatizing child actors who have to play abused children of various sorts. One episode involved two kids played by two boys, but one was raised as a girl after being born a hermaphrodite and having the sex change operation botched. As part of his/her therapy, the therapist encouraged the children to have sex with one another. And if that isn't the most fucked up storyline in the history of TV, then I guess I don't watch enough TV.

Xander Harris, Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- I have a mixed feeling about this show. I hated Buffy, Angel and even Willow after a while. Spike was good, but Xander is funnier so he gets onto my list. Quotey quotes: "To read makes our speaking English good." "On a scale of one to ten? It sucked."

Posted by vegetable at 8:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

The Food Network is looking for its next STAR!

From their website -

"This is what we are looking for:

• Cooking know-how: You can be self-taught or professionally trained or somewhere in between, but you should know the basics.

• Personality that pops: Let yourself shine and show us who you really are. Don't be shy. We are all about personality-show us yours!

• Teaching skills: Bring the world of food and cooking to life in your very own passionate and unique way.

The search for The Next Food Network Star will be documented on a series of specials slated to air this June. From a pool of eight finalists, one winner will receive their own six-episode show."

Click here to apply

Posted by Victoria at 10:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)