Gob Bluth, Arrested Development -- "Come on!" This show has a great cast of characters, but Gob is by far the best. His chicken dance alone is worth the cancellation (although I am still sad it's gone). [I just re-read that last sentence and I think what I mean is: The chicken dance makes the pain of the cancellation bareable.] Another good quote: "Hi. I need a tea to give my dingle less tingle. [no response from Asian shop keeper] Me quick, want slow. Wait, that’s Indian."

Dwight, The Office (USA) -- "She's also the victim of monster rape." Gareth from the BBC version is awesome, but the real fun is that Dwight is not just a retread of Gareth, but essentially a Nazi-nerd all his own. Plus, his haircut is amazing. The above quote is actually from a deleted scene, so here's one that actually aired: "When I was in the sixth grade I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word ‘failure’." and one more: "Hey Toby. You said that we could come to you if we had any questions…where’s the clitoris? On the website it said 'at the crest of the labia.' What does that mean?" You don't have a good reason not to watch this show. Even if you read to orphans instead.

Kosmo Kramer, Seinfeld -- "Am I a hipster dufus?" & "I just took a bath Jerry...a bath. I was sitting in a pool of my own filth and germs. All the micro-organisms were having sex all around me!" Kramer beats out Costanza by a slight margin because of his physical comedy and the various noises he makes, aside from the way his lines are delivered by the permanently out of work Michael Richards. I mean, will the guy ever act again? Has anyone else become their character so completely? Perhaps Jason Alexander did as well, but Kramer is... Kramer. Without him, Seinfeld is just three bad people. Kramer's the optimist, the idea man, the life.

Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm -- "I thought we were cool-de-la?" This is the other reason Kramer gets the nod instead of Costanza -- Larry David in his pure form.

Charlie, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia -- "I'm in love with a man. A man called God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha!" The show has been hit or miss this season, but Charlie is always genius. "And the best part of it actually for me now is the fact that everybody thinks that I’ve been molested. So in a way, my life is ruined. Uh, in the meantime, I'm gonna go in the back office, and cry, and cry, and cry and drink for a while." This is a show worth downloading from iTunes. Season 1 is pretty much great every episode. I'd recommend "Charlie Goes America All Over Everyone's Ass" and "Dennis and Dee Go On Welfare" from season 2.

Al Bundy, Married with Children -- okay, this is a blast from the past. and I don't have any interest in buying this show on DVD. Or even ever watching it again. But Al Bundy had to be based on some real loser. He was just too good. And unfortunately for what's-his-name, he became the character.

Freakshow, Law & Order: Special Victim Unit -- His name is actually Lt. Stabler, but Freakshow is the character the actor played in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle when his pulsating neck boils won my heart. Chris Meloni is his real name. He and his co-star Mariska Hartigay are really the only reasons to watch SVU since the show makes its money by traumatizing child actors who have to play abused children of various sorts. One episode involved two kids played by two boys, but one was raised as a girl after being born a hermaphrodite and having the sex change operation botched. As part of his/her therapy, the therapist encouraged the children to have sex with one another. And if that isn't the most fucked up storyline in the history of TV, then I guess I don't watch enough TV.

Xander Harris, Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- I have a mixed feeling about this show. I hated Buffy, Angel and even Willow after a while. Spike was good, but Xander is funnier so he gets onto my list. Quotey quotes: "To read makes our speaking English good." "On a scale of one to ten? It sucked."