Commercials Translated into Real Life
So I am addicted to the Food Network, and there is a commercial that I see fairly frequently there for peanut butter. It goes like this:
Two boys, both around 6, run up to their mom with the last slice of bread. They both want it for their favorite treat, a slice of crappy white bread spread with peanut butter.
The mom suggests they split it. "All right," one of them sighs, "but [insert annoyingly trendy boy's name here]'s piece can't be bigger than mine."
Mom: "Well, how about [annoyingly trendy boy's name #1] gets to cut..."
Annoyingly Trendy Boy #1: Yesss!
Mom: "...but [annoyingly trendy boy's name #2] gets to choose."
Annoyingly Trendy Boy #2: Awesome!
Boy #2 picks the bigger slice, and both eat happily.
Boy #2: My slice sure was big, wasn't it?
Boy #1 (laughing): Yeah, it was.
So here is this heartwarming scene, rendered in the misty glow of my childhood. Of course for this to work, it would have to be over something my brother and I would actually argue about, and not a slice of bread with fucking peanut butter. We'll say it's a candy bar.
Vicki: Mom, there's only one candy bar left and [Brother] won't share!
Mom: If you kids can't learn to share, then neither of you will get any of it. Cut it in half.
[Brother]: But her half can't be bigger than mine!
Mom: What did I just say? Do you want this candy or not?
Mom cuts candy bar and distributes pieces.
Vicki: Wow, my half sure is big, isn't it?
[Brother] starts to cry.
Mom: That's it.
Mom takes the pieces back and eats them herself.
Mom: Remember that next time.
Bonus Commercial ~
Voiceover: Why ask your doctor about cosmetic Botox?
Woman: Because I am a vain, vain person.
I have a feeling this might become a regular series.
Comments
this is foucault at work -- the illusion of choice.
fucking new age parenting based on literary criticism.
Posted by: evan | November 5, 2006 10:02 PM
Modern parenting sure does need some more discipline and punish. Of course, that's easy to say when you don't have kids and are primarily basing your opinion on the screaming, spoiled brat-demons that seem to populate this area.
Posted by: Victoria | November 6, 2006 3:40 PM
Tom and I have come to the inevitable conclusion that our kids will hate us, because we will be the only parents who deny their kids cell phones, unlimited and unsupervised internet access, $25,000 sweet 16 parties and their own credit cards.
I'll probably tell them the same thing my mom told me, which, regrettably, turned out to be all too true: Deprivation builds character.
Posted by: phaedra | November 7, 2006 5:12 PM
My mom always used to tell me, "Life isn't fair." This unfortunately turned out to be true as well.
Posted by: Victoria | November 7, 2006 6:08 PM