Worst Movies You've Ever Seen?
Let's Go to Prison has made me think about my least favorite films. I'd like to hear all of yours as well! This isn't about what makes a film 'good' or 'artistic.' It's just about hate. These are movies that if someone says they like it, i have to leave the room else I get in a heated debate where I use the words "monkey-piss" "shitfuck" and "flubber"!
Let the hate begin!!!!
edit: Mike reminded me of Waking Life. Damn you mike! But that is one of the worst movies I have ever seen.
Waking Life -- freshman undergraduate philosophical dialogue + animation + annoying director = a reason to repress bad memories.
The Time Machine (newest version) -- walked out. wish I could have kept walking.
A.I. -- Can Spielberg be arrested for raping Kubrik's corpse? How about for raping me? And why is Spielberg in the MovableType dictionary???
Face Off -- one word: TRAVOLTA! this is from the "John Woo is the greatest director ever" period of late 90's American cinema. Fortunately it did not last long after MI:2.
Broken Arrow -- one more word: TRAVOLTA! This is also a movie that caused my friends to get really annoyed with me in HS b/c as soon as the lights went up I said "Well that sucked." and they were like "you hate every movie!" to which I responded: "Only the ones that suck." (they, of course, enjoyed the intense 'action.') I had to walk home from the mall that night.
Snake Eyes -- How much can one man twitch?
Mission to Mars -- more hack work by DePalma. with Gary Sinese! in a weathered flight jacket!!
CQ -- had potential, but it was a mess.
sex and lucia -- foreign film with sex in the title? and yet i've never been so turned off.
The Fog -- why did they even bother remaking this horseshit?
Garden State -- first 1/3 really good. last 1/3 is as predictable and unpleasant as getting the runs after eating tacos.
The Ladykillers (Coen Bros.) -- how could they? i bet if Tom Hanks wasn't in this they would have just given up half way thru: "You know what everybody, on second thought let's go home."
Northfork -- I read that this is one of the films they show at Gitmo to get information from the prisoners. "Daryl Hannah's in this? Oh shit, I'll tell you whatever you need to know!"
Storytelling -- i have a feeling the only reason this film got made was because the producers thought it would be edgy and artistic to have a young white girl yell 'fuck me nigger!' and then write a story about it for her creative writing course -- taught by the very man she is fucked by! bullshit! disguised as genius!
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe -- so annoying I can't even begin to describe it. "Mommy, why did they kill the lion?" "Because he's Jesus." "Wasn't Jesus a man?" "And a god." "And a lion?" "No." "Mommy, I'm confused. Why is Jesus a lion?" "Eat your 8 dollar popcorn." "Mommy, I'm only 8. Why do I need a symbolic presentation of the murder of Jesus?"
Mystic River -- seriously, what the fuck? one of my friends said he broke down crying at the end of this. he's obviously an idiot.
Vanilla Sky -- watching Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz try to out-hack one another is mesmerizing. When Diaz starts talking about her three orgasms she has the edge -- because she must be acting. no man or woman would be able to put up with her long enough to get her to orgasm once. (ignoring the fact that Cruise probably doesn't know what the clitoris is or where it's located). but Cruise wins with his screams of 'tech support' at the 'climax' of the 'film.'
Comments
Movies I personal hate are :
Crocodile Dundee Talk about shit Movies Now that's a shitty movie...legally Blondie, like I always say if you liked legally Blondie your legally stupid...Twin town, north fork, Godzilla the american remake which Hollywood thought it would to make Godzilla into a white trash equina spiting babies out all over NYC...the first three star wars why did George Lucas take one of the greatest villains in film and made him a whiny little twit, thanks George for pissing all over my childhood for more cash...lastly My Big Fat Greek Wedding sucks goat's taint
Posted by: Buddy | November 25, 2006 2:34 PM
worst movies ever...
waking life — evan remember this one?
chronicles of riddick — the heat wave scene with the water bottle is a classic.
star wars-episodes I, II, and III — horrible script and horrible acting.
e.t. — damn you spielberg!!
schindler's list — damn spielberg again! i know i will get flack for this one, but it is a bad movie. the acting is very wooden. liam is poor in this. i don't like the charlie brown christmas ending either. it's like they all hove over schindler at the end and strip him of everything and he is left bare. i know it's the opposite of the tree being covered, but i expect them all to start singing.
easy rider — they blew it, man.
hard candy — two words-parking lot
crash — this movie makes me really angry. it is like watching a talk news program. everyone just shouts at each other. oh and we are all racist! it should be an after school special.
buffalo 66 — the opening credits say it all. director-vincent gallo, script-vincent gallo, music-vincent gallo, sucky movie-vincent gallo.
wizard of oz — bleah!
that is all for now.
i'm sure i left out some.
Posted by: mike | November 27, 2006 8:30 PM
there was another movie called "crash," with james spader and holly hunter, about people who get their rocks off by getting into horrible car accidents. it was even worse than it sounds.
gotta agree with mike on star wars 1, 2 and 3.
also agreeing with mike, sort of: the best part of easy rider is the ending. by that point, i was glad to see dennis hopper get clobbered.
buffalo 66 isn't one i'd have thought of on my own, but it was one of the most boring movies of all time.
"spies like us" was so bad i walked out on it when i was 15 and so stupid i was into things like cinderella (the band) and big hair.
"punch drunk love" was awful. the only thing worse than adam sandler trying to be funny is adam sandler trying to be serious.
"forrest gump" proved shakespeare was right: life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury and signifying nothing. only forget the sound and the fury and replace it with bad editing and moronic catchphrases.
"glitter" was so bad, i felt dirty even for watching it on VH1 with my friend allison for the sole purpose of mocking it.
grease was bad; grease 2 was worse.
the godfather part III was an abomination.
those are the ones i can think of off the top of my head; but it's late and i'm sure i'll think of more in the clear light of day.
Posted by: phaedra | November 28, 2006 12:08 AM
godfather III??? oh man. that is pretty bad.
as for punchdrunk love, i actually own that. so much for my taste!
Posted by: evan | November 28, 2006 2:54 PM
i forgot about garden state. that movie sucked.
another one is dead poet's society. this was awful. i knew the kid would kill himself five minutes into the movie.
Posted by: mike | November 29, 2006 11:41 AM
dogma...i forgot dogma. i could probably add chasing amy, too, if we're going to dissect bad kevin smith films, if only for the ending (and, well, ben affleck). but dogma was overacted, overexplanatory (we're not stupid, kevin! stop making your characters explain everything!) and, worst of all, wasn't funny. and if you can put george carlin and chris rock into a movie about the catholic church and STILL not be funny...well, you have problems, brotha.
the only thing more laughable than the novel "american psycho" was the film. even christian bale's sublime bod couldn't redeem that piece of crap.
there's a great story about yogi berra, where, after his wife tells him she's going to see doctor zhivago, he says, "why, are you sick?" i was sick myself after realizing i'd wasted, oh, ten or twelve hours of my young life watching omar sharif and julie christie cavort, starve and suffer through pre- and post-revolutionary russia. and that damn song! now it's in my head! out! out! out, i say!!!
jerry maguire. i don't think i need to say anything else.
evan, i remember seeing punch drunk love with you, and you loved it and i thought it was torture. which is fair, since you weren't too keen on the royal tannenbaums, and i thought that was brilliant.
Posted by: phaedra | November 29, 2006 4:59 PM