A John Waters Christmas
I suggest you visit John Waters' Myspace page & listen to the song "Here Comes Fatty Claus" to get into the holiday spirit!
And, as an added point of discussion (even though only two or three people ever respond to these kinds of questions), what is your least favorite and/or most memorable Christmas gift ever?
My least favorite: This is a tough one. i can't really remember any gifts that I got that I would call my 'least favorite,' though i'm sure i got plenty (when you're a kid clothes are always boring, but that's not fun for a post like this). There are two that come to mind. first: a soup bowl with a soup spoon. The spoon was ceramic, like the bowl. It was the kind of spoon you might get at Elena Woo's with your egg-drop soup. (I wouldn't get it because I don't get soup at Chinese food restaurants.) You know the kind of spoon -- it has a channel all the way up the stem for some odd reason, and this often results in your thumb getting souped-on. I was told that I was too old for toys and thus i got a soup bowl. I was 17. I've never liked soup. (My parents were not the ones who got this for me, though the relative who did get it for me meant well. I think.)
The other gift was an Indiana Jones adventure pack. It was a khaki vest, canteen, and belt. There may have been a compass, too. I think I was 15 when I got it. the vest was small, as was the belt. I really think I would have rather had a soup bowl.
Oh! One more: a canvas vest-jacket, 'like that Kirk Cameron wears' (my memory says that this is actually what my grandmother said when i opened it. KIRK CAMERON!)
My most memorable: my first and only electric guitar. It was a white yamaha. I was very sad, though, because i didn't get a cord to plug the guitar into the amp. So, i was forced to wait to rock out. Fortunately, my dad dug out some old-school, gray cables that he had in with his stereo equipment. So, by the afternoon I had the gain knob turned up and was making all sorts of noise! I spent the rest of the year mastering metallica's solos. and by 'mastering' i simply mean 'barely sounding like.' Eventually my sister put her art skills to work by drawing abstract designs with a permanent marker all over it. If I had become a famous musician, this is what I would donate to the rock and roll hall of fame. Instead, it ended up in the trash last year. As it turns out, Yamaha makes crappy guitars. But damn if it didn't ROCK for a twelve-year-old with minimal skills....
Comments
one year, my mom got me a hope chest. if you don't know what one of these is, it's what a girl is supposed to get before she sets up housekeeping on her own, and it's traditionally given in anticipation of her marriage.
so my mom, who despite all indications to the contrary to this day believes she raised some demented donna reed clone, got me this nice big wooden chest and filled it with dishes, glassware, flatware, cleaning implements, towels, bedding and other household items. the dishes, glasses and flatware were all decorated with tiny peach flowers, and all the other stuff was in a distinctly country style, and if you know me at all, you know that's not me. but whatever. she meant well. she figured i'd be marrying my then-boyfriend of six years, since his family adored me, she loved him, we had lives that were completely intertwined and he had finally landed that holy grail of one's early 20s--the "real" job.
only problem was, one month before christmas, i discovered that he'd been sleeping with my best friend and, obviously, kicked them both to the curb.
but my mom, who was still working the graveyard shift in a factory at the time, didn't have the time or the money to get me all new gifts. so she gave me what she had.
so, there i was, opening what i came to call my no-hope chest and looking at all this stuff i didn't like and didn't want anyway, reminding me of a boyfriend i also didn't like and didn't want, and listening to my mom tell me i should take this dude back because "he just made one mistake" (uh, a big one, mom!) and "you were so close to getting married!"--my mom's own personal holy grail.
and looking at all that stuff, all i could think about was how glad i was i'd never have to put it to use. (years later, i ended up giving the entire contents of the chest--though not the chest itself-- to my friend ganine after she left HER husband.)
and i still hate peach flowers and corelle plates.
Posted by: phaedra | December 8, 2006 10:13 PM