Television: Relationship Killer?
The New York Times recently published an article listing 15 things that couples should ask each other before they plan to get married. Most of it was the usual stuff you would expect, but sandwiched between #2 (Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?) and #14 (If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?) was one that jumped out at me:
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?
Is this really a cause of so much contention? Is television in the bedroom a huge source of tension in relationships? Amidst all of the philosophical questions, that one struck me as funny. Maybe it is the strong opinions that this issue engenders that makes it so controversial.
By the way, my own answer is, HELL TO THE NO!
See the full list after the jump:
1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?
2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?
3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?
8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?
9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?
11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
12) What does my family do that annoys you?
13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
15) Do each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?
Comments
that one really does stick out of this list. although, "what does my family do that annoys you" is phrased in a much more negative way than anything else. All the other things are about being able to talk about things openly. that one just flat-out understands that families are annoying.
as for the TV in the bedroom -- i think the real question should be, how do you feel about a large picture of me wearing a leopard skin thong over the bed? i mean, THAT's a real test of love.
Posted by: evan | December 21, 2006 10:33 PM
Ok, seriously, this question--TV in the bedroom--was a huge issue in the marriage of one of my friends. Allison (Evan's heard the stories of her comically hasty nuptials and ensuing unintentional hilarity) insisted on a TV in their bedroom. She likes to fall asleep to the TV and watches it late into the night (not having a job affords her that luxury).
Her husband, meanwhile, is a contractor who gets up at obscene hours. He also thinks there's a place for TV watching--the living room--and a time for it--one-hour increments, usually alotted for shows like "CSI" and "Law & Order: Pickpockets and Graffittists Unit."
They had a major blowup over this. Of course, they hadn't talked over a number of other things on the list, either, since they got engaged after knowing each other for all of two weeks.
So if this was a major shitstorm...I can't wait to see what happens with the "do we like and respect each other's friends" thing.
Posted by: phaedra | December 22, 2006 11:41 PM