So, I don't know if you guys know about this book -- there's a bunch of them, actually. It's really good. it's about a boy wizard who was abused as a child by his parents and his repressed memories come back and he thinks that some guy named Voldemort actually gave him this cool tattoo-like lightning bolt scar on his head, but really his mom and dad constantly swung him around by his baby ankles and let him fly into concrete walls. Joke was on them, though, because he was magically protected and thus couldn't be killed! stupid parents.
So, each book goes through his school years where he is supposed to learn about wizarding and shit, but instead he just constantly gets some nerdy girl to do his homework (or correct it when he's done a half-assed job) and yet, somehow, when the big exams come up in year 5, he manages to get decent grades and he's on the fast track to becoming an aerola or something. Basically, it's like a wizard state trooper. good benefits, nice pension, but high chance of alcoholism, divorce, and an early grave.
And in each book, besides going through a full year (and seriously, it gets really tedious hearing about magic christmas and halloween trips every book), has a mystery that Harry manges to solve through pluck and luck and a little bit of courage and lots of plot manipulation and coincidence. Villain puts a wand in the hero's hand to have a 'proper' duel? That would be book 4. Of course, this is only after explaining his rise to power. Oh, and what about really scary henchmen who are supposed to be bad ass but when they have to fight a handful of 15 year olds in a relatively enclosed space they suddenly only know really tame spells like "knock the wand out of your hand" or "bright light"? That'd be the mammoth book 5. Book 2 features a man named Tom Riddle who, with the handy middle name of Molarvo is easily named Voldemort. And, unfortunately, Rowling has to use Tom Riddle for the rest of the series because of this 'cunning' plot device from book 2. Oh -- and what about how Harry doesn't get a good enough grade on his exam to get into the AP credit Potions course -- thus preventing him from becoming said state trooper? No matter -- the standards changed because the potions teacher is now the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher! The irony is that that sinister, snakelike, greasy-haired devil Snape would find the fact that Harry can take advanced potions just another example of how things fall harry's way without a stitch of hard work.
But lets not forget the convoluted emotions of growing up. Because this is, of course, a bildungsroman -- that classic coming of age tale where Harry gets taller, defeats obstacles and kisses girls that he doesn't really seem to like. Ginny? GINNY? isn't it painfully clear that he only likes her because she likes him and the other girl was a mental case? I mean, the first rule of dating is "don't date a girl if you were present for her previous boyfriend's death. Especially if you could have been her boyfriend first had you only grown a pair and asked her to some stupid dance." Cho has reason to be insane -- it's Harry's fault that she even knew who what's-his-name was and cared that he died.
And finally -- I am the only one who thinks it's weird that people die around Harry alot? I'm not? Oh -- that's good.
Anyway, despite how poorly put together these books are, I suspect they will actually sell quite well. So keep an eye out at your local bookatorium for Harry Potter books. They're magitastic!
p.s. I actually really liked the books, but it's fun to mock things. Isn't it?
