July 2006 Archives

While many of you speak little of sports or sports-related topics, I'm still going to post about the Phillies' horrible trade that happened yesterday. But, rest assured, the purpose of this post is not simply to talk about sports, but to ask the burning question -- what would Jesus do...on a baseball diamond.

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Map of New York State

I'm glad I was able to leave Pop5 in Evan's capable hands for the duration of my trip. Evan, even if Pop5 temporarily becomes a monologue, at least it is not only my monologue.

I thought that I was going to be able to get internet service high up in the Adirondack Mountains, but I was wrong. I also wasn't able to get cell phone service - at the cabin at least. [BTW - the "cabin" is not at all as rustic as the term implies. Except for the lack of cell service and internet, we had electricity, washer and dryer, microwave, dishwasher, and all of the modern amenities. Except air conditioning, which we didn't need, since it never got above the low 80s, and this was described by the locals as a "heat wave." I may need to move there. It was also right on the lake.] So in any case, I was plannning to provide updates on my vacation (and welcome Laura - Evan's lovely wife - to Pop5 as well. Hi, Laura! Post!). Since that didn't work out, here is what I did on my vacation, in convenient bullet form:

  • Sleep
  • Eat
  • Read

In roughly that order. Then the sequence repeated itself. Everyone at Pop5 probably knows that I don't have the skin for sunbathing, but what you may not know is that I am also extremely picky about swimming. When I was a kid, I would swim in the muddiest, seaweediest, fishiest pond, but now I prefer my swimming water highly chlorinated. I even avoid swimming in the ocean, although that might not be so strange, given the condition of the Jersey shore.

Wildlife Report: Several deer, swarms of butterflies, one drunken bird that repeatedly hit itself on the head flying into the glass windows of the house, a bat, masses of objectionable and unidentifiable insects, and roadkill, mostly on the way up. We did not see a black bear this year - last year, a bear and two baby bears frequently wandered through the yard.

I need to start planning a new vacation to take my mind off of going back to work.

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hey evan,
vicki has been away on vacation. she'll be back tonight and will start posting again soon. i don't have anything funny or interesting to post at the moment. just thought i'd post something, though.

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How hot is it?

It's so hot that my testicles retreated into my body to cool down!

Okay, I'm clearly the only one putting any effort into this web-based relationship. someone else needs to start posting hilariousness or i'm gonna look like a weirdo. a bigger weirdo than normal.

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Okay, so do you think Mel Gibson will get out of this:

"The entertainment Web site TMZ posted what it said were four pages from the original arrest report, which quoted Gibson as launching an expletive-laden "barrage of anti-Semitic remarks" after he was stopped early Friday on Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu.

According to the report, in addition to threatening the arresting deputy and trying to escape, Gibson said, "The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world," and asked the officer, James Mee, "Are you a Jew?" "

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So, laura and I were just debating Klingon mating rituals whilst falling asleep and we began to debate what, exactly, would be considered 'rough' sex to a species that sends back cold soup with a large spear through the waiter's head. and then a more important question came to mind: do klingon's have women? which laura, being a nerdling, assured me they do. then I asked if the mating rituals involved them smashing their bumpy foreheads together to arouse one another.

but before we could determine the answer, a cold feeling arose in the pit of my stomach. which led me to this question: is it racist to mock klingons and their 'ways'? Is one of the lessons of 'the trek' to teach us to be kind to all forms of life, even the bumpy-headed, aggressive, uni-browed race of Kahn?


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so, laura and i saw the mostly bland My Super Ex-girlfriend this week. The only reason it's worth watching (on DVD, not in the theater) is because of Rainn Wilson, the guy who plays Dwight on the NBC version of The Office (which is, of course, the better version of the show).

The interesting thing was that the screenplay was really tame and Wilson must have improved some of his lines because everything he said stuck out. For instance, the movie opens with luke wilson talking to Rainn wilson (apparantly no relation) talking about G-Girl, Uma's character. luke says "Hey, if you could have any superpower, what would it be?" Rainn repsonds: "The ability to orally pleasure myself."

This is pretty much the first exchange of dialogue in the film. but the movie never really maintains that level of hilarious crudeness, unless Rainn is onscreen.

anyway, i don't think anyone I know even considered seeing this movie. and it's probably not even a good idea that I admit to having paid to see it. but laura and i love rainn wilson and it was just about worth the 9$ to see him.

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no. but close. Not only did I almost catch the 2nd major-league homerun of catcher Chris Coste (it flew about an inch and a half over my outstretched right hand and hit some lucky girl in the shoulder. and her friend grabbed it), but MEATLOAF sang a few lines of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame."

That's right, THE LOAF. he's promoting his new album "Bat Out of Hell III." No. I'm serious. that's what it's called.

he only sang like the first line and the last two lines. the rest of the 'performance' invovled him pointing the microphone at the audience and shouting random words like "Me" and "jacks" and "root!"

laura was not even impressed. and she has actually seen THE LOAF in concert. (not recently, but that kinda experience doesn't wash off easy.)

Laura punched me for outing her. I used her LOAF t-shirt to mop up the blood from my nose.

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I haven't been posting in a while since I really don't have too much to say, but since the world is going to hell in a handbasket, I have decided to focus on something that has really gotten on my nerves. The quote below is by our illustrious president....

“I come from a family committed to civil rights,” Bush said. “My faith tells me that we are all children of God – equally loved, equally cherished, equally entitled to the rights He grants us all."

Well, if that were true Gerogie boy you wouldn't have supported the FMA which would prohibit gay people from marrying and nullify domestic partnerships. Yeah, I know people will say, "Rob if you just wait a little longer, things will change." or "This isn't an issue that needs to be debated when so many other things are going on in the United States." My answer to those statements is...Bullshit! Don't tell me to wait to be treated equally like 90 percent of the population. These same sentiments were said during the Civil Rights Movement. If my grandparents would have 'waited' for their rights, they wouldn't have been able to vote or (gasp!) eat at a restuarant with white people. So, no I'm not going to wait any longer.

Mr. Bush please don't say you're commited to civil rights when in reality you are just trying to pacify black people. (You only got 10 percent of the black vote, remember?) If you are commited to civil rights, you have to believe in civil rights for everyone.

Ain't it funny, indeed.

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A seven-year-old pit-bull with all its front teeth missing was taken into custody this weekend for attempting to urinate on a 99-cent plastic American flag. Covered under the Patriot Act’s “Other Acts that Make Americans Queasy” section, the arrest signals the weakening tolerance of free speech in the country.

Betty Bulwap of Collingswood, NJ called the FBI when she noticed the dog, being lead by its owner on a bright red Commie leash, on her front lawn. The dog was sniffing around one of the seven American flags that show her support for America.

Says Mrs. Bulwap, “The dog peed right by the flag. I couldn’t believe it. And its owner said ‘Good dog!’ Then the dog started circling my other sign—the one that says ‘These colors do not run’. I yelled out my window. I knew what that dog was thinking.”

The behavior doesn’t surprise Milton Antwirp, Webmaster of a website called CatsLoveAmerica.com.
“Cats are the most patriotic pets,” Antwirp defends, while his cat bats around a red, white, and blue toy mouse. “Dogs are loyal but dumb, like victims of domestic abuse, or fans of ER. Dogs in the Soviet Union would turn in their masters for anti-Soviet behavior. They are naturally fascist animals. I mean, a German Shepard? You’d never see a German Tabby!”

When asked if goldfish were patriotic or not, Antwirp replied: “Any animal that attempts to eat its own feces is not proud of its country.”

As for Mrs. Bulwap, none of this is comforting news. “The whole neighborhood is filled with dogs and people who own dogs. It’s getting so every time I look out my window I see dogs peeing. Everywhere! And their owners are calling them good dogs. I may need to move. I mean, if their dogs are unpatriotic then what does that say about the owners? They must hate America! We’re heading for the decline of civilization when people start letting their dogs pee on the flag.”

When reminded that she owned two dogs herself, Burlap looked surprised and then muttered how dogs as small as hers are basically cats.

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laura, sweetheart, i love you. but you are a super-hero hussy. i could put tights and a cape on the rotting corpse of christopher reeve and you'd lust after him.

(Is it too soon to refer to his corpse? ah, screw it.)

Before I begin, it's necessary that I say a few things to avoid any confusion. I don't really like the original Superman movies. I think I kinda liked the second one. And in the third one, when that woman gets the wires all in her face, that was kinda freaky. but otherwise, i have no special feelings for the films. Or the character. But I don't want anyone to accuse me of going into the film with the intention of hating it. all i wanted was for my hard-earned $9 (okay, it was Laura's money) to be transformed into 2 hours of superhero goodness. some action sequences, a few wise-cracks, lessons learned. A standard, empty-carb movie. Or, something with intelligence, daring, and a unique visual style, such as the greatest superhero movie ever made: Hulk (no, not Captain America).

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I like watching comic book movies. I know they generally stink and that's part of the appeal. I like the pure fantasy factor. I know it can't ever happen so why would it bother me that Halle Berry as Storm had a really fake looking wig? It doesn't.

So what if there was a lot of slow moody bits to "Superman Returns"? We're starting a new Superman story arch here and it could take this first movie to get all the character motivation out of the way for the next 2-3 movies. So why did I have to hear "Wah, wah..there wasn't enough action...it was too slow...wah, wah..that story didn't make any sense, wah..". Well all I have to say is "Evan, you and my mom are just hateful bitches".

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Personally, I think this one was my favorite.... A combination of the mirrored sunglasses, the "guns" hand gesture, and the smirking (with tongue!). I don't think it gets better than this, folks.

White Trash Mike

Oh, and, sorry girls, this one's taken, too.

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man, what a great party.

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Top Tracks for the week ending 9 Jul 2006

Flamin' Groovies – Yesterday's Numbers
David Bowie – Golde
David Bowie – Soul Love
Jimmy Scott – Nothing Compares 2 U
Big Star – Mod Lang
Mick Harvey – Sex Shop
The Beatles – Tell Me Why
The Pogues – If I Should Fall From Grace With God
Chuck Berry – Memphis Tennessee

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So Rob tells us that his party is not meant to be White Trash-themed, and that everyone will be dressed normally. But I don't think this is going to stop Mike and I from showing up wearing costumes, since we had already planned them all out by the time we discovered this. Mike's been preparing his for the past week. But I think I have the hardest part. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to fake a pregnancy AND reveal your thong underwear?

BTW, Rob, we'll be bringing the PBR, Cheetos, and Red Bull, so don't put those on your shopping list. Should we also get pork rinds??

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mmmm Frosty....
aaaaah peein....

sorry ladies & gents, I'm already spoken for!

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As you can tell from the previous post, Pop5 is welcoming a new author to impress us with his genius and wisdom! We had Deflated Soda Cup Guy for a while, but that dude never posted, so we got a real live human who doesn't wear crazy outfits this time. Everyone please welcome EVAN!!!

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I have always reacted oddly to the finger. It is just a finger, the joke of countless movies where old people flip it to the delight of the audience. I rarely give it. While driving, I find shouting curses loudly, spitting, and generally waving my arms seems to piss people off enough. plus, there's always the effective 'lay on the horn while following the asshole who cut you off' move. I ran out of gas one night, but that fucker wouldn't forget to use his blinker again.

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When I first did the About page, I didn't think I was going to continue the story. But since everyone seemed to like it, I decided to take it another step. Click here to visit the About Page Two.

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So as part of the ongoing fun we are providing for our houseguest, we took a trip down to the National Zoo in Washington, DC. There our group (me, roommates, and their mom) met up with my mom and my brother, sister-in-law, two nephews, and niece for a group zoo day. Amazingly, this is the first time I have visited the Zoo and seen other animals besides the baby panda.

Yes! They have other animals! Who knew?

I think we saw pretty much the whole zoo, since the kids are really into it. We did not see the Bat House, which was closed. Apparently, it freaked my niece out the last time she saw it. She tried to tell me that the bats weren't real bats, and I told her I thought she was mistaken.

Crocodile or Alligator?
Crocodile or Alligator?

We also had the following conversation, which just proves what Starbucks fiends my brother and sister-in-law are:

Me: I don't like Starbucks.
Her (incredulous): You don't like Starbucks? Why?
Me: I don't like coffee.
Her: What about macchiata?

Macchiata? You're four!!

American Bald Eagle

She also received a package of animal crackers that she then murmured, "My precious" over. This she picked up from Tolkien, via Peter Jackson and her older brother.


My family has started calling my older nephew "Aunt Vicki" for two reasons that were demonstrated on this trip:

  1. He was constantly far out in front of the rest of the group. I think he likes it when I am there, too, because then he can say he is with me, instead of having to go back and join the rest.
  2. When we entered the restaurant for dinner, he sighed and told my brother, "I should have brought my book."

This is indeed not only how I would have acted at 8, but how I continue to act now.


Prairie Dog
The kids were fascinated by the prairie dogs. It seems like they are continually digging new tunnels, and we watched one scoop up dirt with his paws, and then headbutt the ground to smooth down the entrance.

Seal or Sea Lion?
Seal or sea lion? No, I don't know my animals.

tiger 01 p5.jpg
The tiger was pacing restlessly, and one guy I passed by speculated that he could smell all the tasty humans and was frustrated that he wasn't able to get to us."

But of course the star of the show was the Stick. Upon seeing him, the whole group agreed with my panda obsession. See, Buddy and Rob, if you visited the panda, you would be converts too!

Best Baby Panda Ever
My nephews were like, Why are you taking so many pictures of the panda? Yes, he's cute, but can we go now? So I only got to stay a little while. Fortunately, the Stick was performing for the crowd as usual, looking cute.

We met a lady there who had flown all the way from LA to be there for his birthday the next day. She was also planning a trip to the Wolong Panda Reserve in the spring. Mmm, mounds of chubby panda goodness! I want to go too.

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1) Queen Jane Approximately- Bob Dylan
2) Wasted Days & Wasted Nights- Freddy Fender
3) Katie May- Lightnin' Hopkins
4) High-Fashion Queen- The Flying Burrito Brothers
5) Apartment #9- Tammy Wynette
6) Little Queen of Spades- Robert Johnson
7) Dire Wolf- The Grateful Dead
8) We Must Have Been Out of Our Minds- George Jones & Melba Montgomery
9) Willin'- Linda Ronstadt
10) For You- Bruce Springsteen
11) Broken Hearted People- Guy Clark
12) Little Queenie- Chuck Berry
13) A Satisfied Mind- Porter Wagoner

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I was naming a photo after editing it today, and I couldn't for the life of me think of the word "weathervane," so I ended up calling it "wind arrow."

Also, I got my iMac back, yay!

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So my trusty iMac is broken! And I had to bring it to the Apple store for fixing. It needs its logic board replaced, which is apparently quite expensive, except it is under warranty, so I get it done for free. This has been especially unfortunate, since I have been finishing up web design for my roommate's movie web site. This is supposed to be her summer project, but we are joking that it won't be done until 2011.

My roommates' mom is visiting us, which she does every year, and since she and my mom get along, we usually plan lots of outings for the two of them. This explains the run of New York City pictures over at Beside the Point; we were there on Saturday. We went to Atlantic City on Tuesday, a mere hours before the casinos shut down because of Jersey's inability to budget. Yesterday, we went to the Philly production of the Lion King. Saturday, we are planning to go to DC to see the baby panda, among other things.

Today is Mike's birthday, so make sure to leave him good wishes in the comments. We are going out to dinner to celebrate, and plan our outfits for Rob's White Trash-themed party.

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Special guest Evan joins us for Podcasts 7 and 8!